Painting Again, Opening Thoughts & Starter Info

and yes i am!  i am painting again!  well, not NOW, but i'm definitely in preparations.  did i mention that i finished Modern Warfare II's campaign last night?  felt pretty good.  

anyways.  so, i've been thinking. what could my meal ticket be?  hmm...prostitution?  noooo!  painting???  maybe.  haha!  just kidding, sorry...just my off sense of humor...it's very off.  but funny!  to me...lol

so, i've just been thinking in general that i needed to start painting again.  it's something that i'm happy that i can do, and i figured that i was abusing that privilege and not really trying to reach my potential by not doing it.  like anything and everything else, but i'll just keep on about painting.  

so, i figured i ought to be in practice.  i always didn't paint because i didn't want to have anything less than awesome be my final project.  but now i've overcome that fear.

so...sosososo, i've been climbing up the ladder, making preparations, getting things together.  here's a link to my new artist's nest:  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw0LGWy6Ygs&list=UUjj-hhYZ010ICDXEFzhyT5w&index=1

so i've been reassessing the things i have...my brushes, my solvents, gessos, and especially paints.  i did a lot of research about what paints and brands were best for beginners.  i'm not a beginner, but i had also never tried to go for a 'logical' palette.  and i mean a palette that had logic...for example...

what i learned for the ultra-beginner, or ultra-low budget, was to only have black, white, and a warm and cool of each primary.  

then i learned that what i was using all time had been student paints.  i got rid of half my paints bout 3 years ago, so maybe more of them were pro, but about 75-80% of what i had was student. 

and i was ok with student.  but i wanted to see what more pro paints would be like.  so i combined what i had, with what my research yielded and went to michael's arts and crafts because i had and they give awesome 40-50% off coupons.  

i know that michael's isn't the rolls royce of the finest artist supplies, but they have pro colors, two brands of them.  and that all worked for me.  

later i'll have a swatch canvas of everything i have.  i saw another artist's site as i was doing my research, and it was really useful.  i'll also go into my conclusions about how i was going to buy what i bought in that article too.  

i also learned more about toxicity during my purchases.  i purchased some things, THEN saw that they contained lead.  i know about lead, and i have a baby, so all that wasn't happening.  but then i learned about other toxic ingredients.  i researched them, and a LOT of people, most in fact, take these toxicities lightly.  like lead, etc...and i probably would too if my painting professor in college didn't get cancer from her oils.  skin cancer.  too much contact over too many years.  downplay it if you want, but ALL carcinogens are real.  and combine enough in your body, it's no good.  

so i returned two of my paints that had lead in them.  others i initially avoided because i already knew, but the ones that i saw on the tube after the payment i took back.  unbleached titanium, which i was really disappointed to do and yellow naples...also mildly disappointing.  and with the money from the two and a little more i got the ever-popular cobalt blue.  but then, i saw the warning on THAT bottle and i was like nooooooooooOOOOO!!!  

but then i did a little in-store renegade research and saw that it was down on the list from lead, so i decided to keep it since i had others that were like half as toxic.  no more after these, i don't think but the ones i have will make the cut.  here are some helpful links to pages that helped me get to these conclusions:

http://www.listmyfive.com/303c84c9/The-Top-Five-Poisonous-Oil-Paint-Pigments

http://captainpackrat.com/furry/toxicity.htm

http://carolineroberts.blogspot.com/2009/01/toxicity-of-pigments.html

these are definitely informative.  and until next time, good times. 

The Process

Obviously, things haven't been working out for me, artistically. I've been thinking a lot about it, but hardly getting a thing done.i spoke to a good friend today,a writer friend, and the convo was really helpful. He's written, to me,a ton of screenplays. I'm more of a novelist, but his words still very much applied. See, my issue is starting,i get defeated very easily by my work, at least in recent years.  He (cb) told me about another friend of his and how disciplined she was...we spoke about her for a while &i was very impressed. All details aside, her effort is the shining star, not anything else at this point in the work. And that's the battle.

So, let's see what I make.you guys hold me accountable ok? No more discouragement because I don't look like italian baroque (yet) or that i'm not some literally genius (yet? Haha) like the murakami-sans...

I'm me, and i WILL push fresh work!

p e r f e c t o (?) m u n d o

a few years ago, a friend...an artist friend and i, were talking about artistic processes. how very talented and creative people often have a whole lot of ideas, and that the key for these types of people was to concentrate on one thing at a time.  

i'm not saying that i'm uuber talented or creative, but the advice was for me because i was having such a hard time developing a collective, and more importantly, completed body of work.  

that was over 7 years ago.  and i'm still having the same problems now.  i have a list of written work, illustrated work, illustrated written work, painting ideas, video ideas, short film ideas...to do, and that i want to do.  i even have motive.  that it could really be a nice body of work which represents my new portfolio.  and that could be my way to having more commissions or freelance jobs, things like that.  which i'd like....i think it'd be productive and interesting.  

so i have this list of things to do, but it's like i don't know where to start, or maybe i just don't want to start at all?  i can't figure it out.  and when i'm working on one thing, it feels like i'm wasting my time, like if i'm not doing everything at once, i'm not getting enough done.  

however, the biggest challenge is that i want everything to be perfect.  like if the story doesn't sound like murakami or nabokov (not like, but as good) then i'm over it.  if my painting doesn't look like baroque, i'm over it.  

i guess, by rereading this, that i need to have an end-point in mind.  a point to the piece that i'm working on, a vision of what it is when it's finished.  

a solution!  that's exciting...and 

concentration

you see that guy?  he's concentrating.  

that little guy up there is kaine.  he's definitely a concentrator.  and even though it's 1:05 in the morning, and i'm just starting in on an americano so i can finish this, i'm concentrating.  

i set a goal.  a goal to post to the blog (now blogs, i decided to update both weekly) and post a new you tube video every other week. so one week, a video, the next a blog post. and it's all taking a good bit of concentration.

like a lot of you know, i just had a little baby not too long ago.  and figuring out our 'new' life has DEFINITELY taken a LOT of concentration.  i have all of these goals, and checklists and things like that that i need to do, but now my hands are constantly full.  at first i was very frustrated.  but i can't give up, i won't say that i don't know how, but i will say that it's an impossibility.  maybe i don't know how.  i just figure that we all do know how, it's just whether we can or not.  i can't. so i kept trying, especially, with the super awesome love fro my husband, and all of his suggestions an efforts to keep me happy.  happy meaning, still being able to work on the things that i feel define me, happy because i feel like i'm not a stagnant artist/writer.  i'm especially happy that i can continue trying.  

but like i said, and keep learning...it takes concentration.  so i've been going to cafes around home, for a few hours at a time here and there to work on getting into a mode.  developing a way, a schedule, or something that'll help me achieve our goals.  

my most recent discovery is taking away time in my daily schedule.  i've developed a daily schedule, that includes my top 5 things that i want to do in a day. for example:

1st Check emails

return emails, clean junk & trash folders, etc

2nd Check *job board*

apply on sites, submit applications, work on submissions 

3rd Apply for other jobs (alt sources)

apply directly (cont until successful)

4th EXERCISE

5th Update

sites, fb, etc

with a baby, it's not a very good feeling to run into a 'time' and you 'can't' do something because you're occupied.  but with numerical priorities, you can do everything in your day that's WAY more of a priority, but still do the other things that are most important.  

that's where i am.  hopefully i'll get a little further soon.  

softboxes, dreamweaver and COD

my first prestige.  hey hardheads, don't rag.  i started on black ops last year...

and for those who hate cod (although i can't understand why...) i hear that most of you are hardcore battlefield and halo fans.  i tried odst, i think i need to try something else.  and i love battlefield, but since our 50incher blew out, i've had to go to the 30something inch. and you know battlefield has a lot of FINE PRINT.  same with forza 4.  ps, i'm on the xbox, so it's forza.  which is cool.  love it long time.  but i'm missing gran turismo.  but the ps3 will be there along with the 50incher fix.  

managing your media is challenging.  i think and i want and i talk about it a lot more than i actually do it.  maybe it is human nature, but it's really more of a dream, or an excuse, you know what i'm saying?

i have aspirations...a lot of them.  see, i was about to list them, maybe even a lot of them, just now, but i saw the list in my head and it was a whole big clump.  a big clump that needs some undoing.  i have this blog, and i have my other one (look me up!) and i have my social sites (look me up!) and my website (www.jtwilliams.org) my site's been down like forever...i have a lot of reasons why, but if i really (really) wanted to, it'd be current.  yeah, current...so it's not really down (look me up!lol) but still.  i have ads up.  if i was current, i'd be paying.  but i have problems paying for it when i'm not doing it.  but maybe i'd do it if i were paying for it...(?)

i'm thinking.....

yeah, i've heard that if you pay for it, you value it more and are more likely to respect it.  i don't agree with all of it, but i agree with some of it and i think it's EFFED UP.  but for more on why i think it's effed up (with everything else i think is effed up) look me up ;o)  it's on my other blog.

my list is long...and since having a baby (he's 7mo now :o)  i've been shutting down even more quickly lately. shutting down meaning like vegging out.  i can watch youtube videos for hours.  i think it's just a matter of refocusing energy.  but about that list of mine.  see, i'm wanting to talk about the list because that's what this blog of mine is about.  the list!!! 

i'm wanting (sigh, i hate saying that...'i'm wanting' it sucks!) to film regular videos.  i finally got hit with the (massive) list of ideas...but i have to say it's a bit of a challenge now.  if the baby is asleep, i have to be (relatively) quiet...and if he's awake.  that's mission:impossible.  literally.  unless i want baby sounds in there.  and i don't.  and i'm sure you don't either.  i mean, they're cute, but i couldn't work them in the whole time.

and at night it's too dark.  i've been investigating lighting setups.  i've tried a few mini (minnnnni) ones at home but they're too mini.  so i'm looking at softboxes on tripods.  i think that'll make me versatile.

but then there's the 'people' issue.  no privacy.  and i'm a bit shy.  or, i don't know.  but i just want to be alone.  and there's no place for that.  yet, but i don't want to wait.  so i've been (reverting?) to the blog.

i mean, the blog goes with it, it's not some bootleg byproduct or runner-up, but i like the complete package.  i like to see that the machine is working.  right now the engine (my site) is sputtering.  my transmission (video uploads) is nonexistent...but i have my radio, my blog.


(just won an ebay aution!  i mean, i was the only one, that's even better because i didn't feel like having a racing heartbeat right now because then i'd get extra hungry...)

(there's a knitting club (circle?) here in front of me (DIRECTLY in front of me) here at the 'starbuck's' in the barnes and noble that i'm at)

so.  to summarize.  lighting setup...kind of necessary.  day shooting...TBD.  website, in rehab.  since my original laptop (the lab) is down (the backlight went out, just need a screen) and all of my full programs are it, and i'm not working on my mini laptop (a notebook actually) doesn't have a drive and i have no external drive (hmm, add that to the list external hard drive) to install my programs on, i'm opting to go for a 30day trial of the newest dreamweaver. i didn't want the newest.  i wanted 4, which came out like 8 years ago.  see, i wanted to extent my trail experience.  i figured i could go for 4, then in a month, go for 5, then 6.  but the others besides 6 are nonexistent.  it's cool, i just have to repair my laptop sooner than later.  i'm doing it myself, and it's a great chance to get some really cool laptop tools.  my husband and i have plans to develop some gaming systems, so taking laptops apart eventually going to become a new hobby.  but not after i get caught up on my LIFE.  lol...kidding, but you know ;o)

STAY TUNED!  please follow me, it makes me feel good inside :o)  thanks!