p e r f e c t o (?) m u n d o

a few years ago, a friend...an artist friend and i, were talking about artistic processes. how very talented and creative people often have a whole lot of ideas, and that the key for these types of people was to concentrate on one thing at a time.  

i'm not saying that i'm uuber talented or creative, but the advice was for me because i was having such a hard time developing a collective, and more importantly, completed body of work.  

that was over 7 years ago.  and i'm still having the same problems now.  i have a list of written work, illustrated work, illustrated written work, painting ideas, video ideas, short film ideas...to do, and that i want to do.  i even have motive.  that it could really be a nice body of work which represents my new portfolio.  and that could be my way to having more commissions or freelance jobs, things like that.  which i'd like....i think it'd be productive and interesting.  

so i have this list of things to do, but it's like i don't know where to start, or maybe i just don't want to start at all?  i can't figure it out.  and when i'm working on one thing, it feels like i'm wasting my time, like if i'm not doing everything at once, i'm not getting enough done.  

however, the biggest challenge is that i want everything to be perfect.  like if the story doesn't sound like murakami or nabokov (not like, but as good) then i'm over it.  if my painting doesn't look like baroque, i'm over it.  

i guess, by rereading this, that i need to have an end-point in mind.  a point to the piece that i'm working on, a vision of what it is when it's finished.  

a solution!  that's exciting...and 

concentration

you see that guy?  he's concentrating.  

that little guy up there is kaine.  he's definitely a concentrator.  and even though it's 1:05 in the morning, and i'm just starting in on an americano so i can finish this, i'm concentrating.  

i set a goal.  a goal to post to the blog (now blogs, i decided to update both weekly) and post a new you tube video every other week. so one week, a video, the next a blog post. and it's all taking a good bit of concentration.

like a lot of you know, i just had a little baby not too long ago.  and figuring out our 'new' life has DEFINITELY taken a LOT of concentration.  i have all of these goals, and checklists and things like that that i need to do, but now my hands are constantly full.  at first i was very frustrated.  but i can't give up, i won't say that i don't know how, but i will say that it's an impossibility.  maybe i don't know how.  i just figure that we all do know how, it's just whether we can or not.  i can't. so i kept trying, especially, with the super awesome love fro my husband, and all of his suggestions an efforts to keep me happy.  happy meaning, still being able to work on the things that i feel define me, happy because i feel like i'm not a stagnant artist/writer.  i'm especially happy that i can continue trying.  

but like i said, and keep learning...it takes concentration.  so i've been going to cafes around home, for a few hours at a time here and there to work on getting into a mode.  developing a way, a schedule, or something that'll help me achieve our goals.  

my most recent discovery is taking away time in my daily schedule.  i've developed a daily schedule, that includes my top 5 things that i want to do in a day. for example:

1st Check emails

return emails, clean junk & trash folders, etc

2nd Check *job board*

apply on sites, submit applications, work on submissions 

3rd Apply for other jobs (alt sources)

apply directly (cont until successful)

4th EXERCISE

5th Update

sites, fb, etc

with a baby, it's not a very good feeling to run into a 'time' and you 'can't' do something because you're occupied.  but with numerical priorities, you can do everything in your day that's WAY more of a priority, but still do the other things that are most important.  

that's where i am.  hopefully i'll get a little further soon.