revisions! where's my text slave when i need them? ;o)

hardy-harharrrrrrrrr (like a pirate...)
yeah, so you finished a book, so what? now it's time for a nigg to revise this ess. maybe it won't be too bad. really i don't think it'll be bad at all...i'm just nervous!

so much ess is happening, i'm gonna blend some personal s in here. see, my ex is with someone, but i just told him that the truth that's been for like years now. but i'm trying to get out of here to japan. which is another thing. but now, i'm like, hey, it's you and me, remember? and i don't know what's exactly up over there with them and so that's a little unnerving. but it's also a big taste of my own because i did the same to him a few times. but i didn't know he wanted me like that! man. so much we never spoke about, now it's biting us. or at least it's biting me. this sucks!

and so japan. all these new theories are swimming around my head, i guess it's just part of this kind of territory, leaving your home (country) and seeing all the paths you could take, doubting the one you decided on. there we have it people...thank you. thank you for helping me see what i already decided on and remember what i already know. i'm going to go back and bold this s. 

see, all that up there is what makes me so nervous sometimes.  it' s not that i'm nervous, it just makes me nervous....like physically jittery.  it's kind of cool though, it's kind of like an amusement ride.  eh.  it calms down when i'm near someone i trust.
guess i'm just gonna hold on tight to my manuscript, it has taken on of a human kind of quality...or maybe kaine or able...maybe. but they don't tend to stay still long enough.

well. now that that's settled, now it's filmtalk....filmtalk. that's so hokey.
ok... i have a ton of stuff to edit, and i'm excited to be doing it in japan. it'll be good therapy if i start getting homesick.

i just got a mind shot of HS typing teacher. he was also a coach, baseball. he said, 'as fast as you type here, it's as fast as you'll ever type' whatever! that's a lie. i'm wayyyyy faster than i was in his class. sheesh. that can mess someone up! maybe, or for a while at least. i believed him for a second, then i knew the truth. no connection to him, but with that being said...
i think i'd like to be a professor. i do like teaching. but maybe not in the traditional education system. i think i'd also like to start a university. or some sort of private school of thought. i think it'll be good.

i think a lot of things will be good. but now i have to focus on the book. mainly because i have no choice. it's maybe better that i'm flying solo...i think i'll get more done this way. which is good and nice and all...but not nearly as tasty.

skeleton done, extra out the window

i've been carrying around (the skeleton of) my finished book with me everywhere. i want to let someone read it, but i haven't been able to. it's a nice feeling, being done like this. after, i was a little tired, so i've been sleeping a lot. i feel like i'm behind on things, but i've let up on how hard i am on myself sometimes. after that, i realized that everything's right on schedule.

i've also put anything else on hold. the tutorials, the editing, etc. but what's nice is that when i put down those things that feel like work, it made them feel not like work when i actually want to reach for them as a break from the book & studying. nothing's really feeling like work, but after a while of the same footage, it was for a while. i've also thought of the beauty of editing the LA part in Japan. it'll be good to see home while in the new place, which will over time turn to home. while collecting new footage. i think it'll be really inspiring.

do i talk too much about myself? are there too many i's in here? i really try to work on that. i actually try to avoid it sometimes. it's hard!

but anyways. so now i'm also at a loss for words, literally. whenever i try to write anything (except letters, blogs & some journals) it's a no go. so i'm trying to sketch everything. everything, as much as possible- but it's been hard! lol!! but i have to make it through, it's a little discouraging at first because you're looking at everything you do, like what the crap is that? but then you get warm again, and it's all good. i'm just waiting for the day that it's all good ;o)

good times :o)

adios amigos.

there's been updates through my site :o)
jtwilliams.org

a book i didn't want to write

i've started another book. where'd that come from? i had to do it, but it is turning out to be really good. maybe not good because of my writing, but the whole this is good all together, the project is really good. and the other one? that one too. and a third i just finished the outline on. i'm good with all this, but now i feel stress because i'm on a super-tight deadline for one of them and i want to really be 100% into it, so it needs all my time annnd energy...so i was going to pause a couple of projects, but it's been really hard to. i feel like i'm on some sort of time restraint with these other projects. with one i do have a deadline on it but with all the else i'm no. it's just seeming like if i finish x then y is bound to happen, and sooner, and better. like, for a while i couldn't write a thing, and i was confused, i thought it was me, i took it really personally, and when i found out it wasn't me, that it was just the times, it was a completely different kind of situation. after that, i was able to enjoy myself again. i was afraid i was doing something wrong, missing out on some sort of beat somewhere. and what's changed? i don't know, maybe nothing, but it does seem like i have learned how to talk to myself.hmm(?)maybe not so bad? maybe finally..

2/13/10(saturday)

saturday the 13th :o)

shut the 'operations' down.
seriously, companies are slacking on stuff and charging us more. it's happened twice in a day and a half. actually, more than that. wow, ok, that's ok ;o) but i'm going back to the mom & pop, the smaller, single ownership type deals. really, if i could avoid all of these manistream companies, i would. you know, within reason---many are very,very good. and i'm thankful for them too. it's just with some things we're not given a choice, and that when i'm getting robbed on top of that, repeatedly, then i'm like, ok, really? reallllllly? lol...wow, seriously. i get over it so fast with these things. all these unions and such and such tax and this and that. they're all related, they're all connected. that's the frustrating part. it's so blatant, and totally against what my and a lot of others' opinions are. about a lot of things. another reason i'm out of here, i'm so tired of being forced to cooperate within this system, i want to go and experience other systems. to see what i like the best, or just to appreciate the swagger (?) of the US a little bit more and more.

the second leg of the race

i dropped about half of the rest of the remaining footage into the august experimental last night...or was that this morning? no, last night ;o) actually, it was midnightish, so technically both ;o) so anyways, it's big! but it's coming along easily. i'm just so eager to get to the next project! i want to work with this vintage camera i have. notice i called it vintage? lol, because it's from 95, no '97. and it's beautiful! and really i'm eager to film a fictional piece. it'll be my first one on this camera.

but so i'll be testing the new equipment out soon. at least i'll have that, but you know? i really don't want to,lol! it's feeling like work! makes me wanna go party ;o) yeah, really. lol, but anyways. but it's the converter for the camera to my computer. so i'll just see how it looks on here for the 1st time and then just dump everything into my 2nd hard drive. and maybe edit some old school stuff of my sister & i. dang. is that another project? hmmm. let me reread that...yeah. it's another project.

that's cool. (and now that i've just reread this, it's a great hommage to got me started on docs, and filming, is my sister. so that'll be the og of william's doc films) i mean, at firstfirst i didn' feel that way, but now i do. it would've been my frustration at seeming time constraints. but there are none! so, allright! and now i get to work with some non-doc:1 footage? yay! i mean, i love doc:1, but it's the onnnnnly footage i'm looking at, and sometimes that kind of same-kind footage wears me out. so i think this will put some pep in my step. but the august experimantal is fun, it's going well. i'm not sure if i posted it on here, but there's also going to be experimentals for every month after august as well. so that's 6 more months of footage, lol. that's cool, that's what i'll be doing in japan. i hope to just be doing that & writing. i've started a new novel, i think it's going to be really special, one of a kind...i want to start looking for a job there, but i'd rather not work, and something's telling me that i won't be. which is an awesome feeling because it's what i really want. i do want to work, to get to know the land, cities, etc...and i've noticed having some jobs in some places help you to do that. i especially noticed that here in LA doing extra work & valeting. really awesome experiences. but i'm going to hunt anyways, because better safe than sorry. and i'm sure applying will help me in some way. who knows...
:o)
but in japan, i 'd like to get to know the place by documenting it all, and living in each area, multiple cities, for good lengths of time. like 4-8 months in every city i go to. and i'd like to live in each of my friend's hometowns for about 2 weeks each, and each city/area (like tokyo & mt.fuji) for closer to 8 months. i wonder longer? i have a feeling so, but after the 3 years i think i'd be ready to decide exactly where to *live*...
and i've been getting a lot of work done, latelatelatenightnite work. all-nighters. and really early mornings, very nice. i'm watching, or i mean i'm studying 'kill bill vol.1' now...so, it's been good. i've realllllly been enjoying myself.

my fingers are hot!
my computer is one hot little machine. ;o)
(!!!)
lol
:O)

not just anyone.

who is there to tell these things?

THICK plots, mmmgood like buttery soup...

i was working with some music last night (this morning...it's all the same) & i was going through the software that i have looking for something else when i found that i had some mooooore editing software that i haven't made anything with. it's really,really simple, it came with some piece of equipment i bought a whilewhile back, but still! these things, as simple as they are, all have little elements that are all a little different & all help you to become a better whatever you are. filmmaker? editor? spy tv host? hmmm. i think about that sometimes.

don't think you need something outrageous to make a film. i mean, all that is sooo wonderful, but not everyone has the means for these things. which isn't great, but is! when you're working with menial things, they help make your foundation stronger, so when you do get to those things, you know what's up. not just about the $50,000 editing suite that comes out in 2015. (which...would be cool, lol)

maybe i speak this way because of it's where i'm at. but even if i had the dough, i'd still go through the trenches. at least a project or two off of everything before scrapping it. this is onnnly if i had the dough. realistically (or currently? whichever, i mean both in a positive way)...realistically speaking, i use my equipment until it can't take another step. like i use my cars :o) i like building relationships with these things, & i don't like to waste. i like current, but i'm not one to run out every time. i always say, even if i could get the newest DB9, i'd still HAVE to get the '03 M3. i've been in love with that guy from the start. and of course, black on black on black. mannn. i've seen that on the rd a couple times, and it looks like an ink dot, a black widow or something...eeeesh....so sexy. so. but! i'm still super happy with kody :o) my '88 323 wagon that i'll spank anyone i can in. and buddy is pushing 325,000k & i'm trying to go to 500,000...if we're meant to be together that long. if not, i'm going to pass his baton to someone who'll take good care of him & knows how to handle a stick.

point being, use your equipment. it's fun!