a book i didn't want to write

i've started another book. where'd that come from? i had to do it, but it is turning out to be really good. maybe not good because of my writing, but the whole this is good all together, the project is really good. and the other one? that one too. and a third i just finished the outline on. i'm good with all this, but now i feel stress because i'm on a super-tight deadline for one of them and i want to really be 100% into it, so it needs all my time annnd energy...so i was going to pause a couple of projects, but it's been really hard to. i feel like i'm on some sort of time restraint with these other projects. with one i do have a deadline on it but with all the else i'm no. it's just seeming like if i finish x then y is bound to happen, and sooner, and better. like, for a while i couldn't write a thing, and i was confused, i thought it was me, i took it really personally, and when i found out it wasn't me, that it was just the times, it was a completely different kind of situation. after that, i was able to enjoy myself again. i was afraid i was doing something wrong, missing out on some sort of beat somewhere. and what's changed? i don't know, maybe nothing, but it does seem like i have learned how to talk to myself.hmm(?)maybe not so bad? maybe finally..