lies & tape

it's been a challenge lately, a lot of stuff has been going on...mainly just re-organization, and now, entirely too much coffee, entirely too late.  so i'm typing.  i've been learning some new software lately, it's called magix.  it's for video editing.  it's a step up from what i usually use, which is windows media maker.  i also uploaded some freeware; audacity 1.3 & xmedia recode.  audacity is for editing & converting audio & xmedia recode is for converting video files....that last one is from germany.  yah!  cool...don't know why, but it's just cool.  anywhere that bmw's come from just have to be cool.

i made a new experimental (see my other sites for those) but it's too long for youtube & the likes.  but this is good because it's pushing me to put it on my site, where it really belongs, especially for it's debut.  i have the media player all cued up, but the plugin is still needing a home, so i'm on the adobe site via dreamweaver on the help forum looking for some help.  i've gotten a reply, so that's good, we just have a little bit more to go.

i gotta go listen to some tunes, part II of this all will be around soon.  stay tuned ;o)

feeling bad is good

so you've heard about my injury right?  my writer's injury.  this s hurts!  really!!!  so i have to recover before i can do anything more :o(

i was just laying in bed, headphones on, w/kaine, able on the floor, things are cool.  still hurting, i told my body to feel better, because my mind was trying to follow.  then the both worked together telling each other to do better and to feel better because you have to do more and you can make it.  it was strange, and a super-awesome breakthrough! 

lol, kaine just scared able a little bit.  he's a big stack of beef ;o)  no but really, this is good.  none of this has ever happened before, so it's nice to learn what's up. 


back to bed :o)

what next?

i wonder about that exact question sometimes.  daily really.

this is an interesting leg of the race...i'm totally worn out, exhausted and physically shut DOWN.  i'm not complaining, it's just funny when you have a tontontontonton o'fun to get done lol & you either a-fall asleep doing it or are too puffed up and swollen to do anything of any worth. so i have to mend up!  aw man!  not now!!!! lol...but it's cool.  i've never been sore like this before.  it feels really good. 

so, don't know if i've mentioned it recently, but the 2 grants  have both had significant breakthroughs.

just keep going.  i just have to keep going.  i'm really excited.  in general, and about everyone as a collective.  speaking of collectives i have to make a run tomorrow.

i haven't edited anything lately.  i think it's gonna have to be for times of extreme need and really just for when i get to my new home.  b/c i just might miss my old one pretty bad.  but it's ok, b'c i'm so looking forward to everything coming up :o)

book II...& the 2nd edish

so. 
i thought i was going to be doing a million different different things.  but it turns out this book is turning out to be turning out pretty easily.  i did something similar as i did with the first, i only allowed myself to express in that medium in that way.  i was feeling oppressed!  ahaha!  yeahhhh, but i got over it :o)  and then things turned good, real easy....and now the book is just falling together in such a fast natural way i'm amazed that more people aren't writers.

and so, i've continued very heavily with the 3rd book.

and 2 more grants.  and finishing up the experimentals, and thinking of how i'm going to film 'the last days of LA' along with, literally, the last things that I HAVE to do in LA, plus a few i have to do OUTside of LA.  it all works together, gets piled up together, accumulates together.    yeahyeah, but it's really not work. 

part II & the next.

so.  i thought i was going to be drinking some soju tonight (which i LOVE)...but i can't get on that ship just yet.  it's 12:42am, so if i start on that now, i might be passed out around 6am...which could be ok, but i'm going for an all nighter and then hopping right onto the bus for the beverly center in the am. gotta continue that mission sun.  don't know what tomorrow's mission is going to add up in.  maybe some shoes?  workout stuff?  t-shirts?  i don't know, i need it all, but i'm not really buyingbuying anything until i get to japan (kansai).  but i was right on the EDGE of getting as much as i could here (b/c my clothes game is WEAK)...but i thought about it.  i said, hmm....doesn't make much sense.  non-japan style & lugging it 5k away?  but really, i need more luggage-type stuff, and a few clothes just to tide me over here and there.  should i grab that soju now?  soju & rose?  how is that?  not in the same glass, but you know.  side by side.  may as well...

so,  you know i finished my 1st book recently right?  it's called 'a volume of 48'.  it's a book of poetry. right now, i'm working on the 2nd edition, which includes some translations which are in japanese.  but looks like another book is coming up soon.  it's one that i actually started before the 1st one.  it's a book of short stories, essays, letters, and a short autobiography.  and looks like it'll be done soon.   i turned that 1st book in for a grant, and right after i got started on 2 more. but i'm still going to work on this new book because really it's not hard at all, it's just a matter of snagging the times (immediately, w/no procrastination) when it's time to write. 

and so...i still have a TON of baby-fun to get done (lol) with filming while i'm here.  i have hardware 'challenges',lol, to solve here at home and other things.  but really, i'm trying to put as much film stuff as i can until i get to kansai b/c i feel that my editing will be more effective over there.  but i cannot escape the rest of the filming i have to do here!  i almost tried though ;o)  so instead, i've gotten back on course and just wound up taking a couple of days off...i've been needing a lot of that lately ;o) 

revisions! where's my text slave when i need them? ;o)

hardy-harharrrrrrrrr (like a pirate...)
yeah, so you finished a book, so what? now it's time for a nigg to revise this ess. maybe it won't be too bad. really i don't think it'll be bad at all...i'm just nervous!

so much ess is happening, i'm gonna blend some personal s in here. see, my ex is with someone, but i just told him that the truth that's been for like years now. but i'm trying to get out of here to japan. which is another thing. but now, i'm like, hey, it's you and me, remember? and i don't know what's exactly up over there with them and so that's a little unnerving. but it's also a big taste of my own because i did the same to him a few times. but i didn't know he wanted me like that! man. so much we never spoke about, now it's biting us. or at least it's biting me. this sucks!

and so japan. all these new theories are swimming around my head, i guess it's just part of this kind of territory, leaving your home (country) and seeing all the paths you could take, doubting the one you decided on. there we have it people...thank you. thank you for helping me see what i already decided on and remember what i already know. i'm going to go back and bold this s. 

see, all that up there is what makes me so nervous sometimes.  it' s not that i'm nervous, it just makes me nervous....like physically jittery.  it's kind of cool though, it's kind of like an amusement ride.  eh.  it calms down when i'm near someone i trust.
guess i'm just gonna hold on tight to my manuscript, it has taken on of a human kind of quality...or maybe kaine or able...maybe. but they don't tend to stay still long enough.

well. now that that's settled, now it's filmtalk....filmtalk. that's so hokey.
ok... i have a ton of stuff to edit, and i'm excited to be doing it in japan. it'll be good therapy if i start getting homesick.

i just got a mind shot of HS typing teacher. he was also a coach, baseball. he said, 'as fast as you type here, it's as fast as you'll ever type' whatever! that's a lie. i'm wayyyyy faster than i was in his class. sheesh. that can mess someone up! maybe, or for a while at least. i believed him for a second, then i knew the truth. no connection to him, but with that being said...
i think i'd like to be a professor. i do like teaching. but maybe not in the traditional education system. i think i'd also like to start a university. or some sort of private school of thought. i think it'll be good.

i think a lot of things will be good. but now i have to focus on the book. mainly because i have no choice. it's maybe better that i'm flying solo...i think i'll get more done this way. which is good and nice and all...but not nearly as tasty.

skeleton done, extra out the window

i've been carrying around (the skeleton of) my finished book with me everywhere. i want to let someone read it, but i haven't been able to. it's a nice feeling, being done like this. after, i was a little tired, so i've been sleeping a lot. i feel like i'm behind on things, but i've let up on how hard i am on myself sometimes. after that, i realized that everything's right on schedule.

i've also put anything else on hold. the tutorials, the editing, etc. but what's nice is that when i put down those things that feel like work, it made them feel not like work when i actually want to reach for them as a break from the book & studying. nothing's really feeling like work, but after a while of the same footage, it was for a while. i've also thought of the beauty of editing the LA part in Japan. it'll be good to see home while in the new place, which will over time turn to home. while collecting new footage. i think it'll be really inspiring.

do i talk too much about myself? are there too many i's in here? i really try to work on that. i actually try to avoid it sometimes. it's hard!

but anyways. so now i'm also at a loss for words, literally. whenever i try to write anything (except letters, blogs & some journals) it's a no go. so i'm trying to sketch everything. everything, as much as possible- but it's been hard! lol!! but i have to make it through, it's a little discouraging at first because you're looking at everything you do, like what the crap is that? but then you get warm again, and it's all good. i'm just waiting for the day that it's all good ;o)

good times :o)

adios amigos.

there's been updates through my site :o)
jtwilliams.org

a book i didn't want to write

i've started another book. where'd that come from? i had to do it, but it is turning out to be really good. maybe not good because of my writing, but the whole this is good all together, the project is really good. and the other one? that one too. and a third i just finished the outline on. i'm good with all this, but now i feel stress because i'm on a super-tight deadline for one of them and i want to really be 100% into it, so it needs all my time annnd energy...so i was going to pause a couple of projects, but it's been really hard to. i feel like i'm on some sort of time restraint with these other projects. with one i do have a deadline on it but with all the else i'm no. it's just seeming like if i finish x then y is bound to happen, and sooner, and better. like, for a while i couldn't write a thing, and i was confused, i thought it was me, i took it really personally, and when i found out it wasn't me, that it was just the times, it was a completely different kind of situation. after that, i was able to enjoy myself again. i was afraid i was doing something wrong, missing out on some sort of beat somewhere. and what's changed? i don't know, maybe nothing, but it does seem like i have learned how to talk to myself.hmm(?)maybe not so bad? maybe finally..

2/13/10(saturday)

saturday the 13th :o)

shut the 'operations' down.
seriously, companies are slacking on stuff and charging us more. it's happened twice in a day and a half. actually, more than that. wow, ok, that's ok ;o) but i'm going back to the mom & pop, the smaller, single ownership type deals. really, if i could avoid all of these manistream companies, i would. you know, within reason---many are very,very good. and i'm thankful for them too. it's just with some things we're not given a choice, and that when i'm getting robbed on top of that, repeatedly, then i'm like, ok, really? reallllllly? lol...wow, seriously. i get over it so fast with these things. all these unions and such and such tax and this and that. they're all related, they're all connected. that's the frustrating part. it's so blatant, and totally against what my and a lot of others' opinions are. about a lot of things. another reason i'm out of here, i'm so tired of being forced to cooperate within this system, i want to go and experience other systems. to see what i like the best, or just to appreciate the swagger (?) of the US a little bit more and more.

the second leg of the race

i dropped about half of the rest of the remaining footage into the august experimental last night...or was that this morning? no, last night ;o) actually, it was midnightish, so technically both ;o) so anyways, it's big! but it's coming along easily. i'm just so eager to get to the next project! i want to work with this vintage camera i have. notice i called it vintage? lol, because it's from 95, no '97. and it's beautiful! and really i'm eager to film a fictional piece. it'll be my first one on this camera.

but so i'll be testing the new equipment out soon. at least i'll have that, but you know? i really don't want to,lol! it's feeling like work! makes me wanna go party ;o) yeah, really. lol, but anyways. but it's the converter for the camera to my computer. so i'll just see how it looks on here for the 1st time and then just dump everything into my 2nd hard drive. and maybe edit some old school stuff of my sister & i. dang. is that another project? hmmm. let me reread that...yeah. it's another project.

that's cool. (and now that i've just reread this, it's a great hommage to got me started on docs, and filming, is my sister. so that'll be the og of william's doc films) i mean, at firstfirst i didn' feel that way, but now i do. it would've been my frustration at seeming time constraints. but there are none! so, allright! and now i get to work with some non-doc:1 footage? yay! i mean, i love doc:1, but it's the onnnnnly footage i'm looking at, and sometimes that kind of same-kind footage wears me out. so i think this will put some pep in my step. but the august experimantal is fun, it's going well. i'm not sure if i posted it on here, but there's also going to be experimentals for every month after august as well. so that's 6 more months of footage, lol. that's cool, that's what i'll be doing in japan. i hope to just be doing that & writing. i've started a new novel, i think it's going to be really special, one of a kind...i want to start looking for a job there, but i'd rather not work, and something's telling me that i won't be. which is an awesome feeling because it's what i really want. i do want to work, to get to know the land, cities, etc...and i've noticed having some jobs in some places help you to do that. i especially noticed that here in LA doing extra work & valeting. really awesome experiences. but i'm going to hunt anyways, because better safe than sorry. and i'm sure applying will help me in some way. who knows...
:o)
but in japan, i 'd like to get to know the place by documenting it all, and living in each area, multiple cities, for good lengths of time. like 4-8 months in every city i go to. and i'd like to live in each of my friend's hometowns for about 2 weeks each, and each city/area (like tokyo & mt.fuji) for closer to 8 months. i wonder longer? i have a feeling so, but after the 3 years i think i'd be ready to decide exactly where to *live*...
and i've been getting a lot of work done, latelatelatenightnite work. all-nighters. and really early mornings, very nice. i'm watching, or i mean i'm studying 'kill bill vol.1' now...so, it's been good. i've realllllly been enjoying myself.

my fingers are hot!
my computer is one hot little machine. ;o)
(!!!)
lol
:O)

not just anyone.

who is there to tell these things?

THICK plots, mmmgood like buttery soup...

i was working with some music last night (this morning...it's all the same) & i was going through the software that i have looking for something else when i found that i had some mooooore editing software that i haven't made anything with. it's really,really simple, it came with some piece of equipment i bought a whilewhile back, but still! these things, as simple as they are, all have little elements that are all a little different & all help you to become a better whatever you are. filmmaker? editor? spy tv host? hmmm. i think about that sometimes.

don't think you need something outrageous to make a film. i mean, all that is sooo wonderful, but not everyone has the means for these things. which isn't great, but is! when you're working with menial things, they help make your foundation stronger, so when you do get to those things, you know what's up. not just about the $50,000 editing suite that comes out in 2015. (which...would be cool, lol)

maybe i speak this way because of it's where i'm at. but even if i had the dough, i'd still go through the trenches. at least a project or two off of everything before scrapping it. this is onnnly if i had the dough. realistically (or currently? whichever, i mean both in a positive way)...realistically speaking, i use my equipment until it can't take another step. like i use my cars :o) i like building relationships with these things, & i don't like to waste. i like current, but i'm not one to run out every time. i always say, even if i could get the newest DB9, i'd still HAVE to get the '03 M3. i've been in love with that guy from the start. and of course, black on black on black. mannn. i've seen that on the rd a couple times, and it looks like an ink dot, a black widow or something...eeeesh....so sexy. so. but! i'm still super happy with kody :o) my '88 323 wagon that i'll spank anyone i can in. and buddy is pushing 325,000k & i'm trying to go to 500,000...if we're meant to be together that long. if not, i'm going to pass his baton to someone who'll take good care of him & knows how to handle a stick.

point being, use your equipment. it's fun!

a little off film...but maybe later?

not quite about film...but actually yes, it will be. http://www.jtwilliams.org

a block of editing unblocked the editors' block

remember the old school way of showing possession? after the s? i do it...in homage to my elementary school english teacher, mr.rufersburger. one of my favorite teachers of all time :o)

so...my block has cleared! ah, it's so nice :o) and it was sooo much fun. the chunk i worked on was a cross of a tired fly (under an extreme close-up) & our french brother (cyril) de-greasing foie gras & giving it to our brother tabish and i. along with other stuff, but that was the main part...it was so funny, the people in starbuck's may have thought i was a lunatic because i was laughing to myself so much.

now i'm spent. i'll get back on it later, but now i just want syrah, chinese & sex (and the city, lol...the film)

;o)

after effects tutorials, sheesh!

learning is fun, but sometimes what it takes isn't. sheesh! i'm in the middle of editing the august experimental, and it's so big and huge, it's intimidating :o) i love it though...

my editing software is reaching it's limit, and that's ok. but to up the ante, i thought about applying after effects to it (and we're talking about adobe after effects). but guess what? i don't know after effects, so i'm learning it along with the tedious editing. sheesh! this is not the fun part of the game. i feel like i'm pledging all over agagin. actually, i've been feeling like that a lot lately.

and all i can think of is what comes next. my next project, the equipment that comes along with it. it's kind of natural because what i'm doing now kind of sucks. i'd like to fire up a j and just ride out on all this tutorial debauchery, which may actually not be too bad of an idea (smiling) but i'm maintaining a different kind of focus right now, so maybe later (hehe) but not now.

and i'm also not so inspired as of late. sheesh! i've been trying to write, but now's not looking like the time, and my mind's been a wild thing to control. so i'm trying to push myself past and through this. one of the challenges of filmmaking. it's really been the first time that i've been so away from a project. looking like it's just part of the territory. a small part.

:o) (where are my smiley faces in this place?! don't they know how much we love smilies? see---even the word itself is cute)

...signing off & journeying on...

SMILEY FACE. (lol)

in the saddle

i never left, but i feel like i'm back in it. does this make sense? i decided to change this blog to being more specific because i have other places that cater to other subjects. and, please be sure to check those out. i need some support! plus, i think you'll find them all entertaining too...

so now i'm finishing up my last experimental, 'august experimental'. it's one of 3, all from 'DOC1:the shenandoah house' footage from the summer. the june & july experimentals are already finished, but this one is the monster of the crop. it's 5 times as long, and i'm seeing the challenges with a project this big. i want to do a lot more with it, but the software i've usually been editing with isn't capable of what i'd like to do. and there's SO much to edit, it's crazy. there's a light at the end of every film tunnel, and some of the new techniques i wanted to try were my light. but now i have to work a little harder for it because in order for that light to exist, i have to learn another program (after effects) in order to supplement my usual editing software (movie maker). so, i'll be doing some tedious kind of work for a while. editing a massive project while watching (sometimes very boring) tutorials. not so fun, but it will be, and right now this stuff is just part of the process.

after this last experimental, i'll be cashing in my avid trial. it's for a month, and that's cool, it's a good amount of time to finish editing my next projects. 3 shorts ('american geisha', 'hermaphrodite', & 'different styles of royalty'; all short stores from a book ('the short (stories)') that i'm working on/finishing up now. so i'll shoot those first, then start the editing. shooting is going to be exciting because i'm also switching up equipment. i'm going from an olympus digital, to a sony film camcorder. the camcorder is from '97 & has a broken battery. it has to be plugged in because the battery area is bunk somewhere, so i'll be restricted to always having to be by an outlet. but it's totally ok, because this is a real camera. the olympus is too, but the zoom on this camcorder and the sound are totally in a different league. it's just meant to be a filming camera. the digital is a camera with video function. which is good too, it's a beautiful camera, i've been really happy with it. but the look of this sony is just fantastic. it's really grainy. and i also bought the adapter for it so i can convert the footage to digital so i can edit on my laptop. but all the ends were female and i had to wait a little while to score the couplers. so in the meanwhile i did the experimentals. i wanted to do something with the DOC1 footage while it's in a semi-hiatus. and all of my tapes were almost full and i didn't want to do too much footage-mixing because there's still old footage to do something with in there. i'll probably just add it to DOC1. it's from 2005 when my sister & i cam to LA for the first time. it's still LA DOC footage, so maybe it'll just add-to the finished product.

ok, i'm off for more cheetos and to do some journaling. even though straight journaling hasn't been that satisfying, i'll be doing comic-style/storyboard-style journaling. and maybe the writing will be in a haiku style? i don't know. i've also got some japanese to study. major breakthroughs have been going down lately, so i've gotta do my part to keep the momentum up.






here's a link to my youtube page. the june & july experimentals are there:
http://www.youtube.com/user/jtwilliams1920

a record of what i hear

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFCC7L_cO_w&feature=PlayList&p=874C42E41F0ABE53&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=44

this is for you

the truth

you know, i'm not sure of this, but i'm pretty sure a plant can't have 2 roots. i was thinking about this lately. it's the same as a person being double-minded. if i make a decision, i want to follow it through & support it from beginning to end. so if i believe one thing, but then do things or think things that don't support that, then it's the same as me not supporting it from the beginning.

hello!

i'm excited! i had a blog here, but it didn't work properly, so today i started anew & we're here! lately i've been writing in different ways, but here i'd like to account for my daily life in a story-type way. and sometimes very opinion based or fictional, but if it's fictional, it's going to be obvious. so i'll start with my dog.

he likes to boss me around, very subtly. it gets on my nerves! this little muscleball trying to run my life. you'd better back off!!! man! step DOWN! seriously, he tries to stare me down and stuff. i had to call that game short because i call the rules. he got the point. he's still in his cage. good riddance! stay in there meathead! i'm tired of fighting you and your little beefy self. sheesh.